Opportunity Lost

Russia has sanctioned Hillary Clinton!  Wow, what a gutsy move!  That’s right up there with sending empty CARE packages to the Drug Cartels or maybe invading a foreign country!  She did have a classic retort though when she thanked them for this “Lifetime Achievement Award” with the sound of humorous sarcasm in her voice.  After I read that, I gave it some thought as to what my reply would be if I were to be notified by the Kremlin that I would no longer be welcomed to their country.  Nothing against Hillary’s humorous statement, but I have no idea if it was spontaneous or scripted.  I am not privy to the Clinton conclave and the only camaraderie we shared was when mine and her husband Bill’s birth announcements were printed in the local papers just one month apart.  What I can pretty much guarantee though is that my public statement to “Putin & His Pukes” would be way more sarcastic by at least a factor of ten.  How’s this?:  OH NO, NOT THAT!  WHATEVER SHALL I DOOOOO?  Or something remorseful like, “Doggone it!  I just picked up my new assault rifle at the local Wal Mart and was heading over to the Kremlin for target practice.”  On the other hand, if I did a scripted reply, it would be something degrading like, “Oh well, whadja want for supper?” or maybe paraphrase General Anthony McAuliffe when he was given an ultimatum on December 22, 1944 while he and his troops were surrounded at Bastogne by German Forces.  His one 4-letter word reply: “NUTS.”  Either way, I would be exceedingly proud to be shunned by the Hun. It would be like being hunted by the MOB.  I would wear it like a badge of honor.  Imagine that, a former KBG Agent and murderous thug like Putin, putting a price on my head?  If only.  


Okay, now I’ve done it.  Having said that now makes me wonder how it would have been if I had taken up a certain Air Force Colonel’s offer back in Basic Training in ‘66.  We were at the firing range one day and were being introduced to the M-16 automatic/semi-automatic lightweight, 5.56 mm, air-cooled, gas-operated, 20-round clip magazine fed assault rifle.  Being a northern Minnesota hick-from-the-stick kid, hunting & fishing was part of our DNA.  Fish & Game were part of our daily diet all year long, along with “smelt runs” in the Spring.  Our training in firearms was like training at Miyagi-Do Karate, for defensive purposes only, plus food and survival in the wilderness.  We went from toy cap-guns, to BB Guns (shoot your eye out) to 22’s, to 30-30’s, to 30-06’s, etc., but a government issued M-16, in my hands, at that moment in time was the ultimate.  20 rounds, lock & load, all ready on the firing range, FIRE!!!  The result: a Z pattern right in the chest.  When the gunnery sergeant telescoped my target, he gave a whistle and made a swish swish swish sound and called me Zorro.  We did 3 rounds on semi-automatic and the last round on full automatic.  I didn’t miss a one.  There was one other guy in our squad by the name of Fisher who didn’t miss and this was brought to the attention of our Commanding Colonel.  We were summoned to his office and were given a proposal.  He wanted us to think about Sniper Training and send us to a camp in Louisiana.  To make a longer story short, I ended up turning it down, but Fisher didn’t.  I ended up in Vietnam anyway and I’m sure he did too.  I had never thought about that Colonel’s offer until 9/11 and since February 24th, I have been thinking about it everyday.  In reality, it’s just a fantasy now.  These days, I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn, but I can tell you this, if I were to go back to the future, I would take up the Colonel’s offer.  Stay tuned…..!

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