Gaetz Dates

What is your favorite area when you visit a zoo?  Everyone likes to see the awesome beasts like the lions and tigers and bears, oh my!  Scoping out the giraffes in tall order is also a priority, but most of my time was spent watching the monkeyshines on Monkey Island at the Como Zoo in Saint Paul, Minnesota.  It was cheap entertainment watching these characters “go ape” over their antics and ‘monkey around” with boundless energy. If I had 1/100ths of that energy, I would be set for life.  So, where is all this animalistic talk leading to and what does it have to do with the political scene?  Well, I’m glad you asked!

What you need to visualize is a simplistic universe, in which the inhabitants on Monkey Island are these young brash National Enquirer type Republicans and the zoo is the Republican Party.  If you can accomplish that, then the rest of this article will be prime entertainment.  I parlay my denigration of these pseudo-primates time and time again since there seems to be no end to the hysterics of these disturbing news items.  I would like to thank them, at this time, in case I forget to sometime down the road during my Pulitzer Prize acceptance speech.  Everyday, for the last 5 months, they have never failed to make me realize how much I had blown the opportunity to move to Costa Rica when I had the chance.  If it isn’t Ted Cruz or Ron DeSantis or Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Taylor Greene etc., etc., etc., it’s another controversial clown gumming up the works.  Today’s lead role for the 2nd week in a row is none other than the truly irritatingly, irascible Matt Gaetz.  Don’t lose your focus now and remember, you need to visualize that monkey island I spoke of, but instead of all those furry primates, it’s nomenclature is made up of these aforementioned political pundits jockeying for the lead role of the moment.  You see, that’s the problem since there are so many screw ups on a daily basis that you can have a different “Pub” in the spotlight for breakfast, lunch, dinner, midnight snack, nightcap, last call and still have plenty on-deck for dishonorable mention. 

I had put him center stage just 3 articles ago, but he seems to be flooding the market with a steady stream of unethical accusations.  His main hang-up seems to be centered around that nasty underage sex and sovereign State boundaries.  He’s just a typical pervert.  Doesn’t matter to him if he’s in Chitlin’ Switch, Georgia or Podunk, Idaho.  The best part though, is when they try to explain these allegations, it’s like Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Jewish laser beams, they get more and more “far out” and become nauseous.  His latest defensive headline is, “I’m not a monk!”  Whoops, looks like you can stick the Catholic vote right up his vestibule.  He’s become annoying and has long ago gone beyond his 15 minutes of fame.  These days, he’s just another typical “Pub” buffoon who should be tarred and feathered and sent adrift, never to be seen or heard from again.  If only, eh?  Stay tuned…..!