Best Of The Worst

Now for Best Political Puke in a Leading Role, the Nominees are:  Ted Cruze for “Mexican Vacation” for his role as an Escape Artist; Josh Hawley for “Hold Your Fist High” for his role as an Insurrectionist; Lauren Boebert for “The Colorado Quack” for her role as a Village Idiot; Marjorie Taylor Greene for “Q-Ball Queen” for her role as a Jewish Laser Beam; Matt Gaetz for “Venmo’s My M.O.” for his role as an Under the Covers Agent; Ron Johnson for “What’s My Whine?” for his role as the Head of the P.C.A. (Pointless Conspiracy Agency).  May I have the envelope please?  And the winner is………oops, sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself.  Since I and a ton of other folks were in the majority and missed this year’s Oscars, I thought I would call to your attention something that was missing, besides viewership, in this year’s ceremony: Political Pundits.  The competition was fierce and there was plenty of dissension in the ranks with every puke for themselves.  Anyone of these nominees is up for grabs as there is no real clear cut favorite, although, I personally have a front-runner who hasn’t even been nominated.  So with that, and not to be punny, let’s look and see as to how each one got to this stage.

Ted Cruz is a multi-talented Texan who is no stranger to controversy and like a Texan, he does Texas sized lies.  But he only does them when his lips are moving.  I admire the way he acted like a regular tourist while playing the part of a Houdini wannabe and escaped to Cancun in order to get away from a, once in a century, Texas Deep Freeze.  And the way he blamed it all on his family as he threw them under the bus.  Bravo! Bravo!

Josh Hawley is riding high as the winner at the recent “Maggot of the Year” ceremony.  It was a well-deserved tribute to the young, fresh faced talent coming right out of the gate.  What a breath of fresh air this young man is and his role in “The Insurrectionist” is also up for Best Cinematography as who can forget that great pose of his White Panther fist salute in front of the MAGA Trumpsurrectionists with the Capitol Building in the background.  We’ll never be able to unsee it.

Lauren Boebert, a newbie, has already made a solid name for herself in the industry long before the dust settled.  Let me tell ya, there is definitely a new sheriff in town and she’s packin’ heat so you best stay out of her way.  And what can you say about her nomination as a Village Idiot?  It was a role made just for her what with the effortless delivery and panache.  She made it so believable, you couldn’t even tell she was acting.

Marjorie Taylor Greene is going places.  Anyone who uses 3 names means business.  Like Boebert, she is also a newbie, but her style dictates otherwise.  She is a no-nonsense combatant and anyone is a moving target, especially “Rino’s” as she’s out to clean their clocks.  Move over Rover, let MTG take over.

Matt Gaetz is a miracle man.  The Sunshine State has to be proud of this youngster as he is definitely their best Florida Fruit.  Young girls just swoon over him when he’s around.  There has been a huge influx of these young ladies applying for different positions in his organization and are foaming at the mouth to be able to work under him.

Ron Johnson is an anomaly.  Whereas his counterparts are young and stupid, he’s old and stupid.  You can always tell an old dog, but you can’t tell him much and in his case, you can’t tell him anything cause he doesn’t stop talking long enough.  Unfortunately every word that escapes his lips is built on hearsay and innuendo.

Well, there you have it.  Now may I have the envelope please?  (Drumroll)  And the winner for Political Puke of the Year goes to.....  Stay tuned…..!

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